Supporting Your Child's Sleep Through Divorce and Separation

Supporting Your Child’s Sleep Through Divorce and Separation

Divorce and separation can be one of the most challenging transitions for families. While the emotional toll on parents is significant, children often experience their own struggles—especially when it comes to sleep. As a sleep consultant, I’ve supported many families navigating co-parenting while ensuring their child maintains healthy sleep habits. I also recently had the opportunity to discuss this important topic on the podcast Bedtime Battles and Divorce: Supporting Your Child’s Sleep Through Transitions with Christin Terri.

Listen to the podcast here.

How Divorce Impacts Sleep

When children experience a shift in their family structure, their sense of security may be shaken. This often leads to common sleep disturbances, such as:

• Bedtime resistance – Children may refuse to go to sleep or delay bedtime.

• Frequent night wakings – They may wake up often, seeking reassurance.

• Nightmares and fears – A sudden increase in fears (like being scared of the dark) is common.

• Regression – Kids who previously slept independently may start requesting co-sleeping again.

These behaviours signal that children are processing emotions and seeking comfort in the midst of change. While it’s normal, it can be overwhelming for parents—especially when sleep routines differ between two homes.

Co-Parenting and Sleep: Finding Consistency Amidst Change

One of the biggest concerns parents face post-separation is how to maintain a sense of stability in their child’s sleep routine. While co-parents may not always agree on sleep strategies, children are highly adaptable and can learn different expectations in different environments.

What if One Parent Co-Sleeps and the Other Doesn’t?

It’s common for parents to have different bedtime approaches. The key is for each parent to be consistent within their own home. Children understand that different environments have different rules—just like they follow different expectations at daycare versus home.

Instead of worrying about aligning bedtime methods perfectly, focus on:

• Establishing clear bedtime expectations in each home.

• Avoiding discussions about differences in front of the child.

• Reinforcing that both homes are safe and loving.

You might say, “At Mommy’s house, you sleep in your bed, and at Daddy’s house, you sleep in his bed.” Acknowledging these differences rather than avoiding them helps children adjust more smoothly.

The Power of a Consistent Bedtime Routine

Even if bedtime varies slightly between households, keeping the routine the same can provide much-needed stability. A simple, predictable sequence might include:

1. Bath time

2. A light snack or feed

3. Reading 1-3 books

4. A special sleep phrase (e.g., “Goodnight, sleep tight”)

5. A comfort object (such as a teddy bear that moves between homes)

Having a comfort object that transitions with the child can be especially helpful in easing separation anxiety. If possible, both parents should agree on a shared bedtime routine to create a sense of familiarity.

Handling Night Wakings in Two Homes

If your child wakes up frequently at night, consistency is key. Whether you choose to check in and soothe them briefly or encourage self-soothing, the approach should be predictable.

You can establish expectations by saying:

• “If you wake up, you can call for Mommy, and I’ll come check on you, but then you’ll go back to your bed.”

• “At Daddy’s house, if you wake up, he will tuck you back in and remind you it’s time to sleep.”

The goal is to help your child feel secure, no matter which home they are in.

Managing Sleep Regressions with Grace

It’s natural for children to regress in sleep habits after a major transition. Parents often wonder how firm they should be in getting their child back on track.

The answer? Balance comfort with boundaries.

• It’s okay to allow extra reassurance for a short period.

• If your child starts requesting co-sleeping again, consider allowing it temporarily while working on a gentle transition back to independent sleep.

• Be patient—sleep regressions are normal, but they are not permanent.

Give both yourself and your child grace during this adjustment period. You are not failing if things aren’t perfect immediately.

What If One Parent Doesn’t Prioritize Sleep?

One of the biggest frustrations co-parents face is when the other household doesn’t maintain a solid sleep routine. If your child returns to your home overtired, here’s how to help:

• Adjust bedtime temporarily – Allow for an earlier bedtime for a few nights to help them catch up on sleep.

• Focus on what you can control – While you can’t dictate the routine in the other home, you can provide a nurturing and restful environment when they are with you.

• Stay flexible – Sleep disruptions won’t last forever, and what matters most is the consistency you provide.

Helping Children Feel Secure in Two Homes

For younger children, especially those under 3, missing the other parent can be challenging. Here are a few ways to ease that transition:

1. Use Comfort Items with Familiar Scents

A shirt or blanket that smells like the other parent can provide a sense of security. You can place it in their crib or bed to offer comfort.

2. Keep Duplicates of Favourite Items in Both Homes

Having two of their favourite blankets, stuffed animals, or pacifiers ensures they always have a sense of familiarity, even if one item is left behind.

3. Read Books About Divorce

Books can help young children process their emotions and understand what’s happening. Some great options and recommendations from Cristin include:

• For Toddlers (Ages 2-4): Two Homes by Claire Masurel

• For Preschoolers (Ages 3-6): My Family’s Changing by Pat Thomas

• For Early Readers (Ages 5-8): Dinosaurs Divorce by Marc Brown

• For Older Children (Ages 8-12): The Divorce Express by Paula Danziger

Final Thoughts

Navigating sleep during a co-parenting journey isn’t always easy, but with consistency, patience, and a bit of flexibility, children can adjust to their new normal. By focusing on predictability in routines, handling regressions with grace, and offering comfort in both homes, you can help your child feel safe and supported through the transition.

Remember: you don’t have to get everything right overnight. Healing takes time—for both you and your child.

I want to thank Cristin Terri for her advice and all her expert guidance on navigating divorce and separation and I hope you enjoy the full podcast episode! 

Listen to the podcast episode here.